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By ABC News’s chief national correspondent, an unflinching look at panic attacks by a reporter whose career was nearly derailed by them, offering readers a guide to making a truce with their warring minds

"Brave, reassuring, and practical...A balm for anyone who has ever suffered panic attacks and who longs to be released from their grip." —Dr. Nicole LePera, #1 New York Times bestselling author of How to Do the Work

“Seamlessly weaves page-turning personal experiences with scientific discoveries…A tour de force." —Ethan Kross, bestselling author of Chatter

Matt Gutman can tell you the precise moment when his life was upended. Reporting live on a huge story in January 2020, he found himself in the throes of an on-air panic attack—and not for the first time. The truth is that Gutman had been enduring panic attacks in secret for twenty years: soul-bruising episodes that left his vision constricted, his body damp, his nerves shot. Despite the challenges, he had carved out a formidable career, reporting from war zones and natural disasters before millions of viewers on Good Morning America, World News Tonight, and 20 / 20. His nerves typically “punched through” to TV audiences, making his appearances kinetic and often unforgettable.

But his January 2020 broadcast was unusual for all the wrong reasons. Mid-panic, Gutman misstated the facts of a story, a blunder that led to a monthlong suspension, not to mention public shame and personal regret.

It was a reckoning. Gutman’s panic attacks had become too much for him to bear in secret. He needed help.

So begins a personal journey into the science and treatment of panic attacks. Gutman would talk to the world’s foremost scholars on panic and anxiety, who showed him that his mind wasn’t broken; it’s our perception of panic that needs recalibration. He would consult therapists and shamans, trying everything from group treatment and cognitive behavioral therapy to ayahuasca and psilocybin. And he would take a hard look at the trauma reverberating inside him—from his childhood, but also from his years as a conflict reporter.

Unsparing, perceptive, and often funny, this is the story of a panic sufferer who took on the monster within. Filled with wisdom and actionable insights, it’s at once an inspirational journey and a road map—if not toward a singular cure, then to something even more worthy: peace of mind.